In Me

crsdnz @ 2009-05-31T18:21:00

2009-05-31T22:22:39Z

The girl that Ashley subleased to is a Denisse Solis

LOL

I'm livng with Denisse Solis.

also...

I miss Patti the most on LJ... and in general

it's weird but...

2009-05-20T00:38:49Z

deep inside I really think the dead can check their Facebooks.

I get sad when I think of people I love dying, but nothing compares to the thought of losing my sister.

An honest post...

2009-05-13T16:40:52Z

I didn't say it would be an interesting one or an important one, just an honest one.

Lately, due to the arrival of my period this morning, I have been in one of those terribly bitchy moods of mine. I am usually a very easy going and fun person. In fact most people only see this part of me (luckily) and so have this wonderful conception that I am almost without flaw. Let's face it, at least in personality, compared to most other people, I am. (Except for my obvious over confidence, which I admit is my biggest flaw)

Anyway, the only people who do get to see this darker side of me are my family, my closest friends (which are VERY few), and my boyfriends.

It is of these last who I feel the worst for. So far as family goes, no matter what I say or do, they will most likely love me forever. Those friends that I consider my closest are also people who I have grown up with and are already as close as family, and as time has proven have gone through these things just as family... but boyfriends.... they are so complicated to place.

On the one hand they are as close as your best friends, and if your planning on marrying them about to be your family. You love them so much (assuming your in a long-term relationship) that at times you put them above your own family and friends. You share everything with them and they with you, they love you, they would do anything for you. On the other, they are not under any fixed guarantee, making them as fleeting as an aquaintance.

This is where, I feel, it gets sad/ romantic. You see, I think about this every time I know I have been a bitch to them. I'm in a bad mood for no reason and they do something really small that you decide is wrong/ offensive/ too nice, honestly it could be anything, the truth is there really is no reason to get mad. Yet, because I need to blow off steam and because I know they love me too much at this point to leave me, I let it out on them with harsh words/ no words at all. It's sad because they wonder why, you could see it in their poor faces, the "what did I do?" face. It's even sadder when instead of fighting back they just ask you what's wrong and in some boyfriends cases start acting even sweeter. My response, is of course more hostility. How sad is that? Here they are talking to me in a baby voice saying things their friends would probably grill them for (in Derek's case in front of his friends!) and here I am realizing all of this and still choosing to be mean!

They could leave me, they could just say God you're such a bitch sometimes, and break up with me, but they don't. It's so sad it becomes romantic, and that's the saddest part of all, because that "romance" then turns it into the monthly cycle it is.

I guess the whole purpose of this post was just to thank my boyfriends for putting up with my shit. (If you have dated me, you know that they don't last long and that I always admit to my stupidity followed by a rant about how wonderful you are)

.... yeah I guess that's it.

Great Day Yesterday

2009-04-25T14:14:18Z

Yesterday, I had my first exhibition at a gallery.

The Big Bend Contemporary at Railroad Square Art Park.

My book, "we are party." was shown along with the books of my classmates and photographs from the book were inside.

Check out my flickr for some photo's.

And before anyone asks, no they are not photoshopped they are double flash exposures.

Talk about a good day...

2009-04-20T22:36:02Z

Today I found out I made it into the BFA program for Studio Art =]

I auditioned Friday and had to wait the whole weekend to find out!

this means my own studio, exhibitions every first Friday, and my own graduating show.

Also, I got back the artist book I made for my Survey of Studio Art class and I got 100%

she loved my drawings!

crsdnz @ 2009-04-18T19:44:00

2009-04-18T23:44:58Z

I am really happy.

I really need a website.

This summer should be a productive one =]

... and to ease the pain I read...

2009-01-31T17:24:02Z

"There was a moment when I felt that you don't really exist alone, there are so many factors, relationships, and supports that allow you to come to this point. I had to acknowledge that--whether they were good relationships or bad relationships." - Do-Ho Suh

Just like that I realized there's no need to cry anymore. I wish others would realize the same.

crsdnz @ 2009-01-28T10:36:00

2009-01-28T15:38:48Z

Life feels so monotanous lately... i don't know what's wrong but nothing seems as exciting as it used to. Maybe it's just this stupid school schedule... maybe it's just one of those times in my life

I think I may attempt some video art... I'm thinking a loop.

I have to do something to entertain myself and maybe make me happier.

I just want this to be over.

I can't stop thinking about it....

2009-01-26T16:08:38Z

A girl I knew commited suicide three days ago by taking 50 to 80 Tylenol's. I didn't know her well at all, just through stories from Derek and his friends and the couple of times we were at parties together. Still, it has been taking over my brain because I'm fairly certain she didn't mean to kill herself. I'm pretty sure (from knowing how she was) that she was probably doing it as a drunken attempt to make Cassie ( her ex girlfriend who she had argued with at some bar/club before going home and doing it) feel bad about the things she said to her and for cheating on her so much. On her facebook you could still see the wall posting talking about the photoshoots she was going to have this week. This is all just really sad.

January 14th

2009-01-15T14:17:48Z

was truly an inspiring day.

the night before i experienced an insomnia that though frustrating lead to an amazing look within.

I asked myself questions and evaluated things in my life.

I was inspired but lost at what I should do about it.

Yesterday, everything I had asked was answered through my classes, through the voices of artists who have "made" it.

It was a pretty amazing day.

Also... I saw Vicky Christina Barcelona and I loved it.

Mind it races

2009-01-14T10:04:48Z

1.) Frida Kahlo love connection (image of connecting hearts)

-raw

2.) Full moon

3.) 4:17 (or strange times in a day)

4.) General Displacement

5.) Insomnia

I'm still alive...

2008-12-20T23:01:35Z

I did great this semesters straight A's and one B

Personally besides meeting Derek 2008 has been a really hard year emotionally because of family things, so I'm especially looking forward to this coming year with high hopes that it will be a truly amazing one.

I am also really excited about his upcoming semester because of my photography class. It will be the first advanced workshop I take part in and it combines the art of bookmaking and photography that studies your landscape whether emotional or physical. Plus, the making books from scratch sounds amazing.

Derek got me Wall-E and a dress from American Apparel that I've been wanting forever for Christmas =] ... and then a nice romantic dinner too <3

this dress is gonna look so good on me.

...

2008-11-20T05:06:35Z

I've seriously had the worst week ever. A big thanks to everyone who helped this happen! This one's dedicated to you

OMG OMG OMG OMG

2008-11-15T05:15:50Z

So I just met the love of my life....

JIMMY FALLON.

I met him, hugged him, I took pictures with him, and we talked.

Everything in life is now ok.

I'm the happiest girl alive.

Ladies and Gentlemen

2008-11-14T04:22:06Z

Tomorrow is the day I have been waiting for my whole life.

I see Jimmy Fallon LIVE!

and it's Cortney's birthday so I have to stay up and call her =]

Derek left to Michigan today for four days =[
I miss my D-baby already =[

current work

2008-11-03T04:27:52Z

I'm not done with it yet but this is what I'm working on for my self-portrait in digital photo.
The photograph was taken by me with a film not a digital SLR. Yes the shadows are real, I used a light kit.
The left side is a map of Ecuador and an image of the bananeros that are part of Ecuadorian culture. On the right shadow it will be the map of the eastern coast of the U.S. and the bottom are images of Miami.

oh what we call life...

2008-10-24T16:27:10Z

like Sarah, I too have been thinking a lot about art.
I agree with everything you say by the way, and as sad as it sounds I think you do have to think about the non artists appeal to your work if you want any kind of fame. Who your non artist audience is (normal people, goth strange people) is really all you get to choose.

Lately I've been thinking I don't know whether or not I really want to do BFA. I see how intense most of those people are, and well, I find that though I love making it and am good at what I do, my mind is always exploring different things. It's the same reason why I love school, because I love to always be learning something different. If I just get a BA in studio art I can pretty much do the same thing except not be under so much pressure all the time to be popping out projects that under that much pressure would probably be rushed half assed artwork. Instead I could take the same art classes AND get a second degree in museum studies or art restoration which would be amazing.

I just don't like to limit myself.

In other news, I really love my 3-D class. I never thought I would enjoy using tools that much. Getting out of there after building my own table and covered with sawdust, I just feel great.

today...

2008-10-20T21:53:38Z

i did early voting.... my part is done. now to wait.

So....

2008-10-20T16:47:08Z

I just got back from my interview at Sweet Stuffins

It went really well, I seemed to have the experience they are looking for.... now hopefully I get it =)

I really really hope I get it.

melt melt melt

2008-10-18T21:21:29Z

i love my boyfriend.

he makes me happy happy happy.

his b-day is this Wednesday and I still have no idea what to get him =[

i know where i'll take him to eat though.

my mom's birthday is this monday!!! i have NO idea what to get her

and my sisters is this halloween! no idea either!

the good news is were all going to get together in disney this halloween for her birthday =]

my d-baby is coming with =]

crsdnz @ 2008-10-17T10:12:00

2008-10-17T14:15:29Z

I hate bringing up anything negative to anyone, especially if you live with them

but this situation is getting kind of ridiculous.

i have my clothes drying because my work uniform is inside which i need by today at 10:50

and now when i go to get it i discover that one of my roommates hastily opened the door letting my shit fall out because it was too loud

too early for them -_-

i fuckin pay as much rent as them, and i would never pull shit like that on them ever

plus they KNEW it was my uniform that i NEEDED

that's not even the worst thing they do, i'm kind of getting sick of this.

don't worry sarah you're still cool. unless you did the dryer thing, in which case i'm not mad but please explain why you would do that?

i'm pretty sure it was ashley though she's getting so annoying.

... So incase you were curious...

2008-10-15T19:47:45Z

this is what I've been up to.... shooting things like this

the problem w/ college and life is that...

2008-10-13T21:55:05Z

you know exactly what you want to do but have no idea how to get there. these things are supposed to help but instead just make things way more difficult than they have to be, and why? because they give you too many options.

chances are.... no matter what you "study" you'll end up in something different.

seriously, look up the percentage somewhere.

You know what makes getting out of class early suck....

2008-10-09T14:16:31Z

getting out an hour early.

this sucks.

now i'm stuck in the library forever.

How I ended up in the E.R. today.

2008-09-30T20:17:17Z

So as my subject says, I ended up in the E.R. today.

The day started out pretty normally nothing seemed wrong, until that is i sat down in my first class today. Having just walked from the fine arts building to the shores i was pretty tired but nothing too serious. All of a sudden my left eye starts to get all blurry, I thought it would go away but it just started getting worse. Pretty soon I felt weak and my left eye saw only blur. I walked out of class thinking I was going to pass out and called my dad. He of course said I better get myself to a hospital. Knowing Derek was in class I called Pablo instead and he came to pick me up in a hurry.

I called up Derek's mom who works at the hospital and when I got there she stayed with me until they let me into a room.

After countless tests, it turns out I was pretty freakin dehydrated and was put on an I.V. for like and hour until they finally told me to go home, rest, and drink TONS of fluid.

That was my day.

here's a pic... and proof that even hospitalized i'm cute as hell.